Spiritual Truths about Pain

One of the biggest hurdles that I see for many people is that we seem to have an almost pathological fear of pain, suffering or struggle.

How many times have you said no or held yourself back from some experience or other, a new start or an exciting opportunity because you were afraid of getting hurt or hurting another person?

When you stop to think about it, it's probably more frequently than you realise. 

And that's an important theme in the collective that I want to address today. The fear of pain and avoidance of struggle is a big factor in holding humanity back from our growth and happiness. 

A large portion of us are stuck in a rut right now. The problem is that we've been here so long that the rut has started to feel familiar, like home, so we're less inclined to leave it, no matter how uncomfortable it is, because it's discomfort that we know and have become accustomed to.

It's the fear of unknown pain that may be real or just imaginary that seems to hold us back from making changes in our lives. 

I want to clarify here that this isn't just a self serving attitude that we have, a lot of the time it's our kind and compassionate nature that stops us from making positive or life-affirming changes because we are afraid of causing emotional pain to another person. Surely that is a good trait to have not wanting to hurt others or cause them distress?

Well, yes and no. 

The problem here is that if we allow ourselves to get so wrapped up in never causing harm to another person, we stop living and just start existing instead. We end up staying in relationships that are long dead and unfulfilling for all involved, or we don't follow our dreams for fear it will make another person jealous, disappointed or simply that they won't like it and it could cause them some pain.

So before you make your next decision, I just want you to remember this - pain is normal.

Bear with me on this - pain isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should be masochistic and go out of our way to experience pain, or fail to heed warnings where pain can be safely avoided, of course not, but we should remember that pain is a normal part of life and part of the human experience. 

Pain can be very useful - it can be a warning either from our emotions or from the body that something is out of balance. It's a means to an end designed to provoke a response in us, which can actually lead to greater levels of healing, understanding and fulfilment. Pain can actually help us to grow and learn, so we shouldn't necessarily shy away from it on principle.

I'm sure we all have memories of being a child and accidentally hurting ourselves, scraping a knee, falling down, getting bumps and bruises. And while it may not have been pleasant, it helped us to learn about our world and how it worked. We learned not to touch hot or sharp objects, and we appreciated that we could injure ourselves if we weren't careful. We also learned that some pain isn't so bad, and that you can deal with things that may seem frightening at first like ripping off a band aid or plaster so it doesn't hurt as much as trying to peel it off slowly. 

Another lesson is that some pain is necessary in order to achieve a goal, or outcome and it's that kind of pain that we should not be so quick to shy away from. A good example of that is going into counselling or psychotherapy to heal from trauma or abuse. Counselling sounds all nice & airy fairy, but the reality is that it can be very hard and painful too. Again, that is not a pain we should feel we need to shy away from, because true healing from trauma, abuse or difficulties often comes through opening up old wounds and feeling the pain we buried, and it can leave us feeling vulnerable and raw for a time afterwards too. But that's no reason not to do that important work, because it can open doors for us and help us to reach new horizons that otherwise might have remained beyond possibility.

We live in a world right now where pain, illness and death are seen as these terrible bogeymen to be avoided at all costs, that we can escape from if we just hide and wrap ourselves up in enough cotton wool. I mentioned in episode 9 of the Spiritual Support Crew podcast how deleterious that is to our progress as adult human beings, but also as spiritual beings too. Trying to avoid all pain and suffering altogether is not a smart move. 

~

A good example is in relationships. I think we've all known somebody who stayed in a relationship for too long because they didn't want to hurt the other person by leaving. Perhaps you've been that person yourself. 

But did it really do any good to squash yourself down and stay in an unhappy situation or marriage, potentially causing more harm to both of you and any children involved than breaking up and starting afresh would have done? Because you see, trying to avoid pain or causing pain can actually cause a lot of pain - it may allow you to defer the pain, but a lot of the time it makes things worse when you put off painful things that you know are right to do. And that can cause more pain in the long run!

Another point is that you don't actually know how much pain will actually be involved if you do step out of your comfort zone, break off the relationship, leave the job or move to a new city. You have no idea what is really going to happen, or how much it will hurt anyone, if at all! Holding yourself back from growth & achievement because you don't want to accidentally cause harm or experience pain can be very limiting.

~

I do want to reiterate at this point that I do not advocate going out of your way to cause pain to others, or using this principle as an excuse to trample over other people for your own benefit. You should always try to act from a place of kindness and compassion for everyone involved, but that also includes yourself.

Pain is something that is unavoidable in many situations - ask any woman who has given birth! But should we avoid having children just because it might inconvenience us with some discomfort? Should we fail to move in a better direction because we think leaving the job, or ex partner we're no longer suited to behind will be painful for us, or for them?

If the avoidance of pain is your only motivation in life, then you're not going to get very far or experience the joy & fulfilment that you could and neither will the people around you.

Ultimately staying in a rut, in a bad or unhappy situation just to avoid causing pain to yourself or another person is not the answer. It's a bit cowardly actually, even if you mean well. 

Chances are you may be doing more harm to yourself & others long term by holding yourself back in order to avoid any sort of pain - there's nothing holy about playing it small and avoiding challenges, because challenges are what help us grow.